ADOPTION - TO CARE AND SHARE

The Letter and First Meeting.

After all this time, it came.

There was a meeting to be held and as candidates we had to attend. This was to be the start of a chain of events that are discussed at length in this one evening session.
At first you’re not talking about the children, just what will be expected and asked of you, all the ins and outs ,all very informal. There were about 15 of us including 3 social workers and 6 couples, some of whom were more interested in fostering.
You do get the impression that you’re at the tip of a very large iceberg.

Here is the list of events as I remember them. Later on I will go into more depth.

The Course.

There is a two day course on which you are assessed. The first day is about you, your ideas, what does adoption mean to you? How would you deal with certain situations, basically they want to know all about you.

The second day is all about why children need to be adopted. Very few children are given up freely for adoption, most are removed from their homes because of neglect or abuse. The day also explores the different forms of child abuse, which can be upsetting.

The Social Worker. 

You will then be assigned a social worker, who will work with you through the whole process. The social worker will build up a profile about you both, which does get quite personal.
They will then present your case to a panel of people who collectively decide if you are suitable candidates for adoption.

 If you’re getting the impression  that it’s intrusive, take it from me, it can be, but it has to be.
If you pass it’s then a case of finding an appropriate child that best suites you.

Once your social worker has found a child that she thinks may be suitable for you (age, sex, etc) she will explain the child’s circumstances and why they need to be adopted.

The Meeting.

If you are comfortable with this information (some children come with rather a lot of ‘baggage’) you can then meet the child. 
After a few more meetings, if everything goes well and both you and the child feel happy with the arrangement, the social worker will arrange a second meeting with the adoption panel. They will give their approval that the child is a good match for your family, a date will be set for you to take the child home.

Obviously there will need to be more meetings for an older child to get to know the adoptive parents than for a baby, this is arranged on an individual basis.

The Homecoming.

The child will live with you for 13 weeks before an adoption application can be made to court.
During this time you are fostering the child, this is to give both parent and child time to change their minds and make sure they are happy with each other.
In some cases, where the child has been given freely for adoption, it gives the birth mother time to change her mind too.

In our case we had Jack for 9 months before it went to the High Court.
You will go and meet the High Court Judge, who has read all about you, he will then sign the adoption certificate, and Bob's your uncle. The whole process took us some 18 months.

 It’s a lot of work, for you and social services, but take it from me ITS GREAT!

Avoiding all the pain that IVF gave Suzanne and I made adopting like a walk in the park.

Be honest at all times, we had a fantastic social worker, this helps A LOT.

You will have to have a medical, as our social worker put it, “well if you’re adopting we want at least another 20 years out of you”. I’m 32 God I don’t plan going anywhere just yet.

They will also check you as a couple for criminal records etc.

As I say they go to a great deal of trouble to find out all about you.

My time of trying for a family spanned some 9 years, one hell of a long pregnancy.

(Editors Note; Neil also has his own web site dedicated to his poetry, essays and humour. Click here to visit it.)