Bill Sykes' Newsletter from America.
(Special Edition - Mid February 2003)
An ex-Brit gives his views-(without fear
or favor)---of the American Scene
New Financial Terminology.
(A tongue in cheek description of current day
investing sent to me by an unknown author, which I have
modified slightly).
With the advent of Corporate corruption and the rapidly
changing stock market the following terminology has been
revised for the investing public.
* CEO: Chief embezzlement officer.
* CFO: Corporate fraud officer.
* Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself, (or herself), as a financial genius.
* Bear Market: A six to twelve month period when the investor
does not have the finances to pay their mortgage.
* Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
* Broker: What your Broker has made you---broker.
* Standard & Poor: Your financial life in a nut shell.
* Stock Analyst: Idiot who has just downgraded stocks
you own.
* Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.
* Financial Planner: A guy who’s phone has been
disconnected.
* Market Correction: The day after you bought several
stocks.
* Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.
* Yahoo: What you yell after you sell a stock, which you
bought for $80 a share, to some sucker for $240 dollars
a share.
* Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you’re
the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 a share.
* Profit: An archaic word no longer in use.
We welcome feedback about any of the contents
of these newsletters. Please send all correspondence to
bill_sykes@huddersfield1.co.uk
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