Bill Sykes' - In Retrospect
IX.
(November 2007)
Bill Sykes
looks back in retrospect at material which has been published
in previous editions of "View from America",
in an attempt to determine whether the subject matter
written then is still applicable in today’s world.
Preface:
If the readers are not interested in learning
the rudiments of American Football, with special reference
to the recent Super Bowl which took place in Houston, Texas,
on Sunday the 1st of February 2004, then I would suggest
that although I’ve tried to make the paragraph informative
and have inserted typical tongue-in-cheek British type
humour, (into what most Americans consider to be a serious
and sacrosanct sporting occasion - akin to say the Cup
Final at Wembley Stadium), perhaps you would like to skip
the, "“Sex and Violence", paragraph and
go on to more important things.
Sex and Violence: (two-part paragraph).
Part one: The Violence.
One would think that this paragraph was going to be all
about some "X-rated" hard porno movie,
but to the contrary dear readers it’s all about
the American Football scene, not to be confused with
British football, (known as soccer over here).
This is all about the American Football Super Bowl, which
was played, (and I use the word "played"
loosely - although most Americans take their football
very seriously), on Sunday the first of February 2004.
This was really more of a battle between heavily armoured
Trojan warriors than a game of football.
I must of course admit that there have been many times
when physical violence has been experienced from British
soccer "supporters", especially upon foreign
soil.
To set the scene: With much publicity and hullabaloo,
the game described as a spectacularly physical brute
strength exhibition of American sport came to be played
by the top two teams to reach the Super Bowl, the Carolina
Panthers and the New England Patriots. Now let me explain
some of the requirements needed to play this game.
There are eleven players on each side and four fifteen-minute
quarters to each game. Although I say fifteen minute-quarters
it normally takes at least 45 minutes to play each quarter,
what with time-outs, measuring yardage, team changes---oh
yes, please let me mention team changes---I said that
there were eleven players a side, and in all reality
at the kick off there are eleven players per side. Eleven
"offensive" players
on one side and eleven "defensive" players
on the other side, and then of course there are at least
double that amount of players for each team sat on the
bench. There are at least three quarterbacks, (the guys
who pass, or throw the ball with great accuracy), there
are specialized offensive players, specialized defensive
players, there are specialized kickers, (dead ball kickers,
punters, receivers who catch and kick the ball, field
goal kickers), there are specialized receivers who sometimes
amaze me with their speed and dexterity in catching a
ball thrown by the quarterback,
Now that sounds more than a little crowded doesn’t
it, and one could not be faulted for envisaging a scene
were the player and the rest of their entourage outnumber
the spectators---but we have yet to come to the coaches
and the Officials.
Lets now take a look at the coaches, who of course
have assistant coaches to support them in making such
momentous decisions as to which players should participate
at any particular time and what plays should be performed.
Each team has a head coach, (the guy with the worried
look and the headphone/microphone slung around his neck
which he generally covers with his hand so no one can
read his lips when talking to what I assume to be his
specialty coaches or perhaps he even has direct contact
with his quarterback through a cell phone helmet device). Who
knows!!!
He also has a play chart in his hand which describes
plays, (which his team have practiced over and over again),
to fit each and every occasion that comes up, or may
come up, and he issues orders accordingly to the quarterback
who then gets into a huddle with the players to tell
them which play they are going to perform at each particular
down.
(If you are still with me, I may explain what a down
is later).
Then we have the specialty coaches, offence, defence,
kicking, etc and also perhaps other coaches that I don’t
even know of.
We can’t let this go by without a mention of the
officials - now let me see, we have a referee, an umpire,
a head linesman, a line judge, a back judge, a field
judge, a side judge - have I missed anyone out - surely
I must have - perhaps there are two of each?
Please don’t ask me to describe what the players
are trying to achieve.
Let me say briefly that the offensive
team has four downs in which to make a land grab of ten
yards and if they don’t make ten yards then they
have to kick the ball down field to a designated receiver
on the opposing team. If they make the ten yards, then
they have four more downs to play ad-infinitum.
Their main objective is to score touchdowns which give
them six points, and then the field goal kicker comes
on and attempts to obtain the extra point for a conversion,
similar to British rugby.
Enough is enough, as by now
you are getting so confused as to say why in the hell
is he telling me all this rubbish.
I started to watch the game in the comfort of our home,
and the first half was so exciting that I fell asleep.
Yep, I fell asleep!
The last five minutes of the game, (which took at least
fifteen minutes to play), was quite exciting. I’ve
always maintained that in general the best part of any
American Football game is the last five minutes, especially
if the score is very close at that time. Forgot to give
you the result - as if you really cared - Carolina Panthers
29 points, New England patriots 32 points.
To give you some idea as to how long this epic lasts the
Super Bowl Game TV commentary commenced well prior to
the kick off at 3:30pm and finished around 7:30pm. That
included the half hour half time show, but did not include
the lead up hour describing how the two teams reached
the final and the half hour post game analysis as to
who did what to whom, and when, with the obvious flash
backs.
The American national anthem prior to the start
of the game was sung by - you’ll never believe
this - a person with the name of "Bootlicious
Beyonce". Really, I’m not making this up.
Part two: The sex.
This is not as spectacular as you may have imagined that
it was going to be, and I won’t bore you with
many of the details as this was part of what I considered
to be the worst half time show that I have ever witnessed.,
which entailed a bunch of scantily clad males and females
gyrating about the stage with singer (?) "P Diddy"
Combs, doing his thing, (rapping, hip hopping, whatever
that means). Then there was Janet Jackson and her male
counterpart, Justin Timberlake, stomping about the
stage with Timberlake continuously grabbed at his crotch
for whatever reason - perhaps he had the seven-year
itch.
The final degradation came when Timberlake purposely
leaned across and, as was reported to have, "accidentally"
ripped off a Velcro type pad on Janet Jackson’s
costume, exposing a portion of her right breast.
So what? Who gives a damn? Well apparently over 200,000 people did - by telephoning
the TV station that was presenting the game, and protesting that the show, was
offensive, degrading and totally inappropriate for family viewing.
The half time
show itself was shrouded in smoke and haze, (which emanated
from the pyrotechnic devices being used), and the so-called
music and questionable lyrics were drowned out by the
frenzied noise coming from the young audience
gyrating around the stage.
Super Bowl XXXVIII is not a game that will go down
in history as one of the best top ten games ever played,
and the half time show - what can I say - has been described
by many as a new low in TV smut.
Comment: I’m not a fuddy duddy
by any stretch of the imagination, I got around during
my youth, but I cannot see the music of today being classified
as comparable to say the Beatles music of the 60's -
its like saying the that the Kennedy clan are the nearest
thing in America to royalty. I say old chap that’s
not cricket.
The Beatles music has excellent lyrics, and the music
is well worth listening to which is more than I can say
for some of the
so-called music of today’s generation.
Disclaimer:
Some of the information gathered for this news letter
has been gleaned from American and international media
sources,
(including the Internet), and as such is quoted as accurately
as possible. I try to obtain confirmation on each subject
from
several outlets, so the text is a mixture of composite
news items and personal comments and therefore the reader
must make his/her own judgement as to the reliability
and degree of accuracy of the subjects discussed.
We
welcome feedback about any of the contents of these articles.
Please send all correspondence to bill_sykes@huddersfield1.co.uk
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