Bill Sykes' Newsletter
from America.
(Summer Addendum - 2002)
An ex-Brit gives his views-(without fear
or favor)---of the American Scene
Summer Edition---Addendum #1, dated, 4th of July
2002
As today is a public holiday and I have some time off from
my vacation travels, I thought that I would pen a few words
to keep you informed as to the current scene.
Today is the 4th of July, 2002, American “Independence
Day”, (Or as is known by many Brits, both past and
present, as “Thanksgiving Day”).
In retrospect, how stupid could King George the Third and
his Parliament have been to give up so easily the goose
that was later to prove to lay golden eggs.
Whilst I was going through some past records I came across
the following anonymous comments, obviously written at the
time of the Florida Presidential voting fiasco. The eight
and a half by eleven, sheet of paper, had obviously come
through the mail as it was folded to fit a normal business
envelope and bore the printed message on the back, “Bill:
I think that you will enjoy this” with no signature.
The contents were as follows;
To the citizens of the United States of America---
Notice of Revocation of your Declaration of Independence.
In light of your failure to elect a President of the
USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice
of the revocation of your Independence, effective today.
(No date given).
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second will resume
monarchial duties over all States, Commonwealth and other
territories, with the exception of Utah, which she does
not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister will be the Right Honorable
Tony Blair MP and will appoint a minister for America without
further need of archaic election procedures accompanied
by the usual circus atmosphere, and the Congress and Senate
will be disbanded.
Note: A questionnaire will be circulated next year
to determine if any of you have noticed that these changes
have taken place.
Articles of revocation:
(The following rules and regulations will be implemented
immediately).
1) We would suggest that you look up the word “revocation”
in the Oxford English dictionary and maybe at the same time
look up the word “aluminium” and also check
the pronunciation guide to see how wrong you have been pronouncing
the word for so many years.
Generally you should raise your vocabulary levels,
as the twenty-seven words that appear to be in general usage,
interspersed with filler noises such as “like”
and “you know” are an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication. We also suggest that you look up
the words “vocabulary and interspersed”. !!!
2) You will be made aware that there is no such thing
as American English, and we will certainly inform Microsoft
accordingly on your behalf.
3) You should perhaps learn to distinguish between
English and Australian accents, as it really is not so hard
to do so.
4) You should relearn the words of your original National
Anthem, “God save the Queen”, but only after
mastering item #1 as we would not wish for you to get confused
and give up half way through.
5) For the small percentage of you that realize that
there is a world outside your borders, we would suggest
that you note that there is only one kind of football and
that it’s not the so called American Football which
no one else outside America plays. We would suggest that
if you wish to play something similar to your type of football,
that you be introduced to Rugby which does not allow time
outs every twenty seconds, or the wearing of full body Kevlar
Armour.
6) Finally, please put us out of our misery and tell
us who really assassinated President Kennedy.
For reasons of brevity, I have not included the full articles
of revocation that were included in the original text, and
in some cases may have changed certain words in order to
avoid possible embarrassment to any reader.
I hope that this is taken in good faith without malice aforethought
as I’m sure that the original writer meant the words
to be humorous, and non-vindictive. !!!
A brief history of the Declaration of Independence.
The thirteen British North American Colonies proclaimed
their Independence from Great Britain on the 4th of July
1776.
Acts leading up to the Declaration of Independence.
After Britain colonized an area of North America the British
Government decided to maintain an army of 10,000-men to
protect the colonies from the native American Indians and
in, order to raise revenue to pay for this venture, Parliament
levied import duties in 1764 on such items as sugar. This
was followed by the Stamp Act of 1765.
Controversy over these tariffs set in progress a pattern
of conflict, exacerbated by the Townshend Acts, which included
a tax on imported tea.
The Boston massacre in March of 1770 led the British Government
to cancel all of the Townshend taxes except the tax on tea,
and on the 16th of December 1773 an organized mob dumped
East India Company tea into Boston Harbor.
This act of defiance was to become known as “The Boston
Tea Party”.
Hostilities broke out against the British Army on the
19th of April 1775.
On the 7th of June 1776 Richard Henry Lee, a Representative
of the Continental Congress sought the rights of the thirteen
united colonies to be free and independent states and end
America’s allegiance to the Crown and dissolve all
political connection with Great Britain.
A committee consisting of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,
John Adams, Roger Sherman, and Robert Livingston, drafted
a formal statement of Independence.
Representatives of the Continental Congress voted for Independence
on the 2nd of July, 1776, (with the New York delegation
abstaining), and on the 4th of July 1776 the Congressional
Congress voted to accept the final Declaration of Independence.
The Declaration of Independence document can be divided
into three parts:
1) A statement of principal concerning the rights of man
and the legitimacy of revolution,
2) A list of specific grievances against England’s
King George the Third.
3) The formal claim of Independence.
The impact of the declaration was monumental, especially
the phrase “All men are created equal” which
led to challenges from Civil Rights groups, blacks and women.
The original document is currently housed and on display
in the Rotunda of the National Archives building in Washington
D.C. along with the constitution of the United States and
the bill of rights.
Comment:
I found it only fair, right, and proper, after presenting
the critique illustrated in the first paragraph of this
addendum, (especially as it was conceived by an anonymous
writer), to add a brief history of the reasons for the incorporation
by the Colonies of the “Declaration of Independence”.
Sincerely.
Bill Sykes.
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