Outside, Looking In. - December 2001
As I was now redundant, my hobby of web design had
become very important to me.
I continually looked to add content, and improve the look of this
web site that you find yourself browsing so, upon my return to Scotland,
I recommenced my labour of love with a vengeance.
The week whizzed quickly past and I once again found
myself at St Lukes psychiatric hospital, this time sat in the waiting
room of the consultant trick-cyclist who, I hoped, would set about
the task of restoring my mental health to some level of normality
thus allowing me to function with some degree of comfort and as
near to normal as my condition allowed.
Oh dear, such expectations!
Well, let's face it, these pages concern depression
and the stigma, effects and side effects that it entails, plus information
for other depression sufferers so you can expect a drawn-out sigh
every now and again (not to mention the screams of pain!).
For those of you who are not aware of the facts, a psychiatrist
analyses your condition and tries to alleviate the problem with
potions and pills whereas a psychologist is someone who tries to
help you help yourself through analysis.
And the ones that you see on American TV, or read about in novels,
are really just counsellors who are there to try to help you adjust
to your mental state and come to terms with it - and relieve you
of your hard-earned cash.
Of the three I have found my counsellor, Dee, to be
the most effective (and she asks for no money)although I have to
point out that she offers no cure and merely acts as a safety valve
on a weekly basis but this helps me cope with life whereas a 15
minute appointment with my psychiatrist, once a month, and chemicals
that are proving ineffective are not my idea of salvation.
My ideal method of recovery would involve a flexible
stay in a hospital with concentrated efforts from all three experts.
The specialists mentioned above, all of whom would be
in attendance throughout my waking hours, would be giving constant
professional consultations, perhaps in rotation or perhaps all at
once (that would be interesting).
This would give me no time to sit on my own and pick any progress
to pieces or forget about what I had learned.
It would be a voyage of self discovery and an opportunity
for me to have those discoveries confirmed and written in stone
instead of them being vaguely hinted at.
There is one other 'specialist' that I have not mentioned
and one that is a viable alternative to all that the medical profession
has to offer and his name is FEAR!
Everybody is afraid of something and that fear can be
used as a potent tool for changing someone's perspectives. I believe
that this has been one of the story lines in a film, based upon
a Steven King book, called Cats Eyes. If you have seen it you will
know what I mean, if not get to see it as soon as you can!
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't this type of therapy
used in training soldiers? The fear of what may happen if the subject
is not compliant, the fear that the punishment is far greater than
the course of action to be followed, the fear of failure?
Back to the story;
I had been prescribed Efexor for quite a while and the
dosage had trebled as my crisis developed from 75mg to 225 mg.
Unfortunately the pharmaceuticals weren't working in the way that
they were supposed to, even at the higher dosage, and my thoughts
were slowly getting blacker and blacker.
It was decided that I should cut out the Efexor and
start on the Zispin to see if they would have a more positive effect
on my depression.
One slight problem, Efexor is renowned for giving hellish withdrawal
symptoms and this proved to be true with a vengeance...........
Details of Recently Prescribed Drugs;
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