In the days leading up to my breakdown I had handed in my notice to my employers as I felt that, in my confusion, the job was the major factor in my deprived state.

I realised that I needed to work so I went back and tried to withdraw my resignation. Unfortunately my employers had already decided that I was surplus to their requirements so I found my self unemployed.

Fortunately I managed to keep any crisis that may have arisen due to my losing my job, and the good income that it provided, under control.

Once again I had a lot of time available for introspection and this sometimes proved hard to bear. I regularly broke down into tears or thought dark thoughts and took to phoning the Samaritans. I only resorted to this when my wife was out at work because these were the loneliest times.

I had lost all self confidence and had become somewhat paranoid. This manifested itself in a phobia about answering the phone and meeting people in uncontrolled environments. This still exists today!

A couple of months after my employment ended I found myself with a new job, again in retail management but this time retailing bottled gas. This was a very seasonal business - hectically busy in winter and dead in summer. It was in the summer that I had to go out to find new business and this was another hurdle I found impossible to get over.
Cold calling and the inevitable rejection were not the best working conditions for a person in my state of mind so. Fate conspired to rid me of this problem though as I was dismissed for reasons that I still dispute to this day. However my objections fell on deaf ears and I found myself unemployed again!

At this time my wife was working in a nightclub as a cashier and I managed to get a job there although once again it was supposed to be a temporary situation as I was not really suited to the task in hand, that of Nightclub Doorman. However it did have its compensations but they did not outweigh the disadvantages.

I stuck with it though, primarily because it brought in a wage and did not have responsibilities attached to it. I had finally realised that I could not cope with responsibilities any more and needed a quiet life to give my mind time to heal. Some chance!

After a couple of years in that job bad things started to happen again. Things that nothing could have prepared me for and once again they took me into the abyss.