Foundations Of Quicksand
for the last few years of depression. Life is, quite, simply Hell!
The only things that have kept me going have been drugs and my sessions
with the Tuesday Evening Group of whom I will tell you about shortly.
I have had Anger Therapy, Assertion Therapy, Clinical Psychology
sessions and a lot of cigarettes and booze.
This was a waste of time because the guy who was supposed to be
helping me was in a worse state than I was. We called it a day after
four sessions. He did explain the theory behind the treatment and
it was graphically correct. Imagine the anger as a liquid which
occasionally overflowed the container that it was kept in. The theory
was to make the container bigger so that it wouldn't overflow as
I was never comfortable with the methodology here. Shouting no at
someone a few feet away was rather an uncomfortable action for me.
I did last out for eight sessions but I felt that it was unsettling
me so I gave up.
This was to prove quite interesting and I managed to go the distance
on this one. Unfortunately the distance was two sessions of the
Psychologist getting to know me and then a further four sessions
of analysis. I did learn one very useful technique though and it
still proves effective today - but only to a small degree. The Psychologist
informed me that it appeared as if I was at odds with myself. I
had two sided to my personality that were in conflict and he got
me to address the problem in a way that graphically proved his point.
This worked very well and helped me to get an insight to my own
dark side. The key was self analysis and, with the aid of Dee, I
soon got an insight into my own mind. Her job was to help me bring
about a situation where I could delve into my subconscious to try
to find out what was causing the depression, anger and doubt. There
came a time though where one-to-one counselling was becoming a little
repetitive. Although I did get a brief glimpse of the monkeys that
were clinging to my back I could not find a way to shake them off.
Dee suggested that a group of like-minded individuals might help
to address the problems that the monkeys brought so we terminated
the individual sessions in favour of the group.
Once again this method of self-analysis proved (and is still proving)
useful. A small group of 4 or 5 people, the same psychological problems
but with different causes in a controlled situation and a confidentiality
pact was a safe environment for uncovering the doubts and anxieties.
The fact that other people were present and willing to offer their
views and analysis also proved beneficial but only to a degree.
The group sessions have tended to act as a release for the pent-up
emotions gathered in the periods between. They have not stopped
the anxiety, the build up of anger, the feeling of futility or the
plunges into despair.