LATEST NEWS FROM NETHERTON.
N.B.C. is proud to present…
Hello good evening and welcome tonight’s program is called…
BADLY BEHAVED MEN!
We will be looking at stag nights and the effects on the
people involved.
We examine a Mr N. Hudson and follow his drunk and debauched
evening.
It all started around the area of Cherry Burton Park, East
Yorkshire. Mr N. was to be married the following week and
went out and about in the company of a Mr R and a Mr W.
He was said to have been seen in the fair city of Beverley
drinking what can only be described as excessive quantities
of alcohol. It is alleged that Mr. Hudson was so drunk he
could barely walk.
The said Mr R. and Mr W. set about their despicable plan.
Mr N. was placed in a car a happy man thinking he’d got away
with any skullduggery. He was then set upon.
They removed his shirt. He was said to have been forcibly
held down while agricultural adhesive tape was wrapped around
his hairy head. His arms were bound with the same tape from
elbows to wrists. He was dragged to a car parked outside and
dumped on the back seat. Mr N. reported that the villains
were driving at high speed when the brakes were applied and
he was thrown into the footwell.
He was removed from the car and taken by the lucid moonlight
and was promptly dragged through various cow-pats depending
on size, smell and texture. His trousers and underpants were
removed; his feet were roped together and tied to a tree.
The afore mentioned tree was in a field full of sheep and
was lit by the pearlescent light of the moon. Cans of baked
beans were then opened and poured verily over Mr N. Hudson’s
white and goose pimply flesh. The scoundrels then left the
scene of the crime.
Mr Hudson was not as drunk as first thought. He decided to
escape this lews and degrading scene.
IF THERE ARE ANY CHILDREN READING THIS UNDER NO SIRCUMSTANSES
DO THIS!
Mr Hudson proceeded to chew his way through the highly toxic
agricultural adhesive tape. He managed to remove it and every
hair on his arms. He then untied his feet. He made a run for
the gate, the tomato sauce causing his buttocks to glisten
in the shimmering moonlight.
As he got to the gate he noticed the scoundrels had dropped
his underpants. The relief of being able to put his under
grots on was a great comfort.
He climbed over the gate and headed for the next village
some 2 miles away. On entering the village he was spotted
by a Mrs Spink. Seeing he was covered in a red liquid substance
and excrement she promptly called the proper authorities.
A police spokesman said tonight "we have arrested Mr
N. for indecent exposure due to the fact he dropped his keks
in front of us and as the baked beans spilled out of his underpants
he said, 'what do you make of that lads'. It was too revolting
for words and further action was taken."
Mr Hudson is sat quietly in the corner of a cell at this
moment sipping a pint of water. To keep him quiet we put him
in with Mr Big; he is said to be paralysed with fear.
Thank you very much, goodnight.
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