Claire's Poetry VI

POETRY BY CLAIRE RHIANNON WILDE
E-Mail: claire@huddersfield1.co.uk

TOO SOON TO SAY GOODBYE
March 2008

The world has ended
For a brief second of my life
I’ve stopped breathing
I’m staring at the light
Then I come rushing back
Air fills my lungs at last
Terror turns to pure relief
I’m coming back fast
What happened to my consciousness?
What happened to the pain?
I’ve come back to the here and now
Though echoes of the past remain
I know I suffered greatly
Before this epiphany occurred
I lived my life sedately
The outside world was blurred
But now I long for freedom
A normal life at last
I won’t be scared of what may come
Of what’s already passed
I’ll walk among the living
Hold my head up high
Till one day, finally, the light will return
And I have to say goodbye.

By Claire Wilde

AUTUMN
(February 2008)

Autumn leaves swirl cyclonic to the floor
The chatter of birds reaches my ears no more
Vivid brown and red hues fill my vision
Animals hibernate in coalition
The temperature drops as winter draws near
While the clouds seem to weep a torrent of tears
Night falls sooner and a new school term starts
Birds migrate to warmer parts
And the promise of Christmas is just out of reach
Along with mince pies, mistletoe and the queens speech
So as we leave summer and salads and sun
We dance with the leaves now that autumn’s begun.

By Claire Wilde

WATCH OVER ME
(September 2007)

My angel are you watching us
Whilst sitting on your cloud
Dropping pearls of wisdom
Which we catch to make you proud

Are you listening when we talk to you
Mopping up our tears
Laughing at our anecdotes
The tales from through the years

Are you whispering your love for us
So we don’t feel alone
My angel are you watching us
From in the twilight zone

By Claire Wilde

Curiosity
(August 2007)

Curiouser and curiouser
I wish I could see in your head
I’m eager to travel where
Others fear to tread

From the outside you’re a simple man
No special wants or needs
An intelligent and well read man
A man easy to please

Then inside there’s a sad man
Overflowing with pain
Who’s fed up of the darkness
It’s driving him insane

Curiouser and curiouser
I wish I could understand
Kill the pain, stab the dark
Depression be damned

I vow to help you fight this thing
I want to see you smile
It may seem impossible, it probably is
But I’ll be there every step of the trial.

By Claire Wilde

GUARDIAN ANGEL
(August 2007)

Wrap me in your angel wings
Protect me from this cruel world
I hide away from evil things
Their blackened nails all curled

They reach for me, fingers like tree branches,
Gnarled and bent out of shape
They touch my skin, caress my cheek
Hold me trance-like, won’t let me escape

The soft beating of your heart brings me round
Refuses to let me go
Till I realise it’s my heart not yours that beats
And I’m swallowed up by woe

And the creatures that want to take me
Reach out once more with glee
But I promise I won’t let them take me
I’ll let my emotions free

I won’t be another statistic
I’m a survivor and I’ll fight to the end
I’ll keep my tears from drowning me
Allow my mind to mend

But I’ll never forget you my angel
My sanity won’t let you go
You’ll light up my darkness forever
Guard me from the evil below.

By Claire Wilde

WITHDRAWAL
(May 2007)

Temptation
A cloud of calm surrounding me
Isolating my fears
The illusion is, I’m free

Inhale and Exhale
Rhythm
Rocking me back and forth
Lulling me to sleep

Fear
Trying to reach me
Beckoning me forward
With its icy claws

Panic
Taking over my senses
Playing with my common sense
Seeking out my flaws

Safety
Such a foreign word
Distant and fuzzy
Can’t reach that final goal

Happiness
When the stars or the sun
Are clear and not hidden
The shadows leave my soul

Freedom
I’ll touch it one day
Fear is my enemy
Courage my destination

Fight
Till I’m finally free
Armed with knowledge
And pure determination.

By Claire Wilde

DEAR MUM
(May 2007)

We talked so many times about
The life you’d planned for me
And though the path I chose twists and turns
I’d like to think I’m free
I’m not trapped in a life I can’t control
I’m not sad or unhappy at all
I’m doing the things you thought I’d do
Just not at a run, at a crawl
I’ve learnt to be strong and determined
See things through to the end
I’ve learnt to give in and rest now and then
To fight as well as defend
The anger I felt when you passed away
Has turned itself into pride
I did all I could and loved you so much
Was always by your side
And in turn you taught me to never give up
What I’ve got is too precious to lose
You’re forever my angel, my guiding light
Till my fairy tale story concludes.

Claire Wilde

MISSING YOU
(January 2007)

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what it is
That makes me feel this way

I sit and cry hot tears
I shake from all the pain
And then I realise what it is
I won’t see her again

I’ll never smell her perfume
She’ll never stroke my hair
We’ll never laugh together
Or cuddle in the chair

She can’t tell me she loves me
Or tuck me in at night
Listen to my troubles
Or put the world to rights

She can’t help me to understand
Why God chose her to be
An angel up in heaven
Instead of here with me.

Claire Wilde

MY ANGEL
(October 2006)

You took your last breath and suddenly my world seemed to stand still
I watched the trees sway in the breeze over your window sill
There seemed to be a silence, stillness in the room
Yet outside the world turned as normal, didn’t acknowledge the gloom
While I cried tears of sadness, the skies seemed to open too
Life wouldn’t be the same again, not without you
I wanted you to hold me, tell me it would all be ok,
But when I looked into your eyes,  the light had gone away
My beautiful mum, you had left me, I didn’t know what to do
My legs turned to jelly beneath me, I felt sick and cold through and through
I laid next to you and held your hand, kissed your cheek, it was cold
Your skin seemed waxy and pale, yet peace seemed to have taken hold
The pain went away when you fell asleep, at last you were free
Free to be an angel in heaven, which is what you are meant to be

By Claire Wilde

CANCER
(October 2006)

It’s an alien invader
Attacking you inside
A war inside your body
Where good and bad collide

Determination fills you
Yet fear creeps in as well
No-one can prepare you
For what is a living hell

The alien creeps further
Finds new ways to hide
Seek and destroy is the method
Let’s get the bastard fried

Yet you grow ever weaker
You’re tired and need to rest
But anger rises inside you
You’ll fight it, come out best

And when one-day you can’t fight
The need to rest takes over you
Remember we’ll fight forever
To kill the alien and its deadly crew

By Claire Wilde

WORRIES
(October 2006)

When I go home at night to sleep
I find I toss and turn in bed
So many dreams and nightmares
Keep running through my head
And if I try to block them out
I find sleep too retreats
I toss and turn and flail about
Throwing off the sheets
The alarm sounds morning’s arrival
And I struggle to open my eyes
When I do I find I’m met
With nothing of surprise
You see my dreams and nightmares
Are actually real life
So waking up is no relief
It just brings me more strife
Maybe one day I’ll be at peace
Wake up ready to face the day
For today I’ll rise and carry on
And my sleepless nights will stay.

By Claire Wilde

PANIC
(May 2006)

I can’t, I’m trapped, I’m so alone
No-one listens to my thoughts but me
Whirling, swirling in the darkness
Fighting to get free

I roll, I wriggle, so out of control
Can’t stop the panic inside
I want to erupt let my tears fall free
But I can’t, I’ve got feelings to hide

From prying eyes of innocence
That watch my every move
To eyes of concern that pity my feelings
Can’t understand why life isn’t smooth

I can’t, I’m trapped, I’m so alone
Wrestling with my fears
To be free and to smile and to worry no more
Is the only end to my tears.

By Claire Wilde

UNTITLED
(May 2006)

When at night I go to bed and try to clear my mind
I see images, flashes of horror, I gasp and struggle to breathe
I listen to the dark and hear every movement, every breath is sin to the silence
My discomfort only serves as fuel to my mind, running away with me
Escaping reality to run in fields of blood and tears
Is there a way out of this insanity, this nightmare, this world where my mind lives at night?
Who’s to know? This is my internal fight
My nightly irrational fear which plagues my unconscious thoughts
No wonder pill will wake me up, just my longing for conscious reality
My yearning for life and its preservation
I will fight on, I will win, I am safe!

By Claire Wilde

THE UNKNOWN
(December 2005)

When darkness surrounds you
And light shies away
That’s when the unknown
Comes out to play

It haunts your thoughts
Like it haunts your dreams
Twisting and circling
Till all’s not as it seems

It makes you unhappy
Brings tears to your eyes
But within your nightmares
No-one hears your cries

And while you lie unconscious
Breathing shallow and fast
It has you contemplate your future
And face up to your past

You hide in the daytime
Yet it flits here and there
Waiting for the darkness
Protecting its lair

Till finally it’s got you
No escape to be seen
The unknown feeds on weakness
It's vicious and mean.

By Claire Wilde

UNTITLED 1
(Unpublished)
November 2005

Friendly smiles pass by the time
While you wait your turn
A leaflet or a magazine
You feel your stomach churn

Your eyes dart round as people pass
You sit back in your chair
Listen to the whispering
Sneezing, coughing everywhere

Move up your seat as the room fills up
Try to get room to breathe
Spots and rashes, cuts and colds
You see every bacteria, every disease

Your breath is quick and shallow
Looking left, then looking right
Finally the doctor calls your name
But suddenly you’re alright

You walk to the doctors treatment room
Tell him what you need
Shake his hand, collect your pills
Leave the surgery at speed

But when you’re home you make the call
To see the doctor again
There’s nothing wrong with you deep down
Keeps an old hypochondriac sane.

By Claire Piwowarski

UNTITLED 2
(Unpublished)
November 2005

I sit and stare ahead
Tears fall to the ground
People are milling around me
Yet I can’t hear a sound

Life seems to carry on
While I’m stood stock still
A frown weighing down my forehead
The air has a definite chill

So many questions race through my mind
I don’t know what to say
All I do is stare open-mouthed
While my world turns to grey

Then suddenly two sunbeams
Penetrate the grey
Their laughter breaks the silence
Sends the sadness away

I realise that no matter what
Those sunbeams need to shine
I need to feel them surround me
Know they’re always mine

So while I still feel the sadness
I don’t block out the light
Concentrate on the here and now
And fight with all my might.

By Claire Piwowarski

CHLOE
(Unpublished)
February 2003

I SOMETIMES HOLD MY BABYS HEAD
LOOK INTO HER EYES
ALL I SEE IS INNOCENCE
AND MISCHIEF IN DISGUISE
SHE’S MY WHOLE WORLD, SO PRECIOUS
MY SUNRISE, MY LIGHT
A TINY BUNDLE OF ENERGY
WHICH FILLS ME WITH DELIGHT
I HOLD HER IN MY ARMS
AND ALL MY WORRIES FLOAT AWAY
JUST ONE SMILE FROM HER ROSEBUD LIPS
ENSURES SHE GETS HER WAY
TEARS THAT DROP FROM HER EYES
FILL ME WITH DESPAIR
THE ONE THING IN MY LIFE
THAT MAKES MY HEART TEAR
MY CHILD IS MY LIFELINE
THE BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH MY VEINS
MY BABY GIRL FOREVER
MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY GAIN.

BY CLAIRE PIWOWARSKI
(FOR MY DAUGHTER)

UNTITLED
(Unpublished)
February 2003

My obsession with magic
Stems from my childlike mind
I read to escape reality
Join most fantasies I find

I live for Terry Pratchett
His imagination drives me wild
It’s great to see a different world
Through the eyes of my inner child

I dream of worlds so different
You just have to find the key
They leave me with wonderful dreams
Dreams of being free

I reach out to the characters
Try to see through their eyes
But worlds of make believe
Are easy to disguise

But as I read some J.K. Rowling
Magic fills the air
I wish I could wave a magic wand
And take myself there.

By Claire Piwowarski

War
(Unpublished)
February 2003

So much anger so much pain
Bring to me some peace again
You throw my world into disarray
Lightening shots ring through the day
What is war but hurt and pain
Blood and tears fall like rain
Peoples faces etched with fear
As walls of fire draw ever near
Children cry and hold their mothers
Sadness and silence befall the others
As death begins in slow motion
Only to end in commotion
As loved ones dig for those held dear
The end of their world draws ever near
So hold me close don’t let me go
Let peace reign true over worldly sorrow
I pray there’ll be a tomorrow

By Claire Piwowarski

A Black Hole in My Thoughts!
(Unpublished)
October 2002

The Cerebral Assassin
The game is nearly up
And intermission in my cognition
Leads my thoughts astray
One tiny neuron torn, sends a flicker of thought away
A trailing receiver reaches out for information
But the data’s never processed due to cerebral assassination
One message trying to find its path
Joins others in a space
Lost without a trace
Frustration, panic, frantic thoughts,
What does it all mean?
The slate’s been wiped clean.

By Claire Piwowarski

Untitled
(Unpublished)
August 2002