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After 18 months on a waiting list Rene Dewane, aged 70, from Hampshire, paid £7,750 for hip replacement surgery. Within two hours of her getting home, her local hospital telephoned to offer her an NHS operation.
Sixty-four per cent of bankers in Italy confessed to experiencing sexual problems with their partners because of worries over the January 1 currency switch to the Euro.
A zoo in China is giving Viagara to its two male south China tigers, an endangered species, to promote breeding.
Emese Nagy divorced her husband in Romania because he refuses to wear underpants.
Stromness Drama Club in Orkney had to perform the Sound of Music without props after Parcel Force handed their dummy guns and Nazi uniforms over to the police.
Huddersfield's own madcap eccentric, Mike Madden (a
personal friend of the editor), suffered a whiplash neck injury
testing his latest idea, a hat with a platform for birds to feed
off.
A grey squirrel liked the look of the nuts and jumped on to Mike's
hat, knocking him over!
Mike has vowed never to wear the hat again.
Young women in Swaziland have been banned from having sex or shaking hands with men for five years in an attempt to curb Aids.
A mother flew from London to Glasgow to catch up with the train taking her son on a school trip. He had forgotten to pack his Gameboy.
The mother of a murder victim in Alberquerque, New Mexico, appealed to a judge to impose the maximum sentence on the convicted killer. She then died of a heart attack.
A London council is searching for a British-born sprinter who ran the 100 metres at the World Athletics Championships in under 12 seconds. She is drawing £69.75 a week incapacity benefit for a bad back.
An after-dinner speaker recounts; When god created Adam he also created a Scotsman named Hamish. Adam could not believe his luck. "Thank you Lord," he said. "But what have I done to deserve this wonderful land: the incredible scenery, the mountains, the valleys, the moors and the lakes?" "Ah yes," said the Almighty. "But just wait until you meet the neighbours."
Meat Loaf and Haggis
On his recent visit to Edinburgh the rock star Meat Loaf was quoted as saying that he was Scottish at heart. Perhaps he should consider changing his name to Meat Haggis and singing songs such as I Would Do Anything For Love( But I Won't Eat That!). One can only speculate as to what the man must look like in a kilt?
Speaking of honorary Scots it has been publicised that the beaver is to be re-introduced to Scotland. This hairy object has been extinct in the Highlands for some time now although it has been rumoured that a few tatty specimens can be seen on Sauchiehall Street after closing time on a Saturday night. Who knows where this will all end up? Perhaps the return of the lesser spotted "Victorious Scottish National Football Team" - I think there may be more chance of seeing Nessie driving a Rolls Royce up Princes Street!
The Stewarts Society, the clan association for Stuarts, Steuarts, Stewarts and any combination thereof is looking for a new, high-profile leader to guide them into the millennium. The clan is planning the mother of all gatherings for the turn of the century so any of you famous Stu's, who have nothing better to do, why not get in touch! Perhaps I should point out that that Stewart etc. should be a surname .
The web site "Soccernet" contains everything you wanted to know about the game of Soccer and has a link entitled, "Scots on the road to nowhere". If you click on the link it takes you to a page which contains the legend, "This document contains no data!" Nuff said..............
In this time of changing days and changing ways, it's amazing how companies adapt in order to maintain the profits. For example, spotted in a greetings card shop there are seasonal cards along the lines of "Happy Birthday to a wonderful stepmother" and "Congratulations Daddy on your engagement"! Looks like it's another traditional Christmas folks.
Not Many People Know Physics
Below are two extracts from a very interesting book
called Beyond Star Trek written by Lawrence Krauss.
There is a lot more to read about within its pages
The largest known star is Mu Cephei which has a radius
of 11 astronomical units.
One astronomical unit is the distance from the Earth to the
Sun - 93 million miles - so this star would encompass our
solar system out to Saturn!
Will all remnants of human existence perish when the time
comes for this planet to disappear into history, as it inevitably
will?
Just as the organic basis of our DNA may derive from interstellar pollution (via the Big Bang) perhaps, one day, we will bequeath our own organic matter to the universe.
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