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Weird Tales - Page 7
A car recycling centre in Berlin is hiring out sledgehammers at £1.60 per hour to people who want to get rid of their stress on the old cars. Russian aides accompanying President Putin to America paid their hotel bills in cash - after exchanging four gold bars wrapped in a paper bag at the Federal Reserve for $1 million. The application form for a security pass to the House of Commons includes the question "Have you ever been involved in terrorism? If so, give details." Uzbek air force officers, who share the Khanabad base with 2,000 US troops are rifling through the Americans' rubbish and selling discarded ration packs to local market traders. The actress Gwyneth Paltrow complained that pictures of her in an edition of Harper's Bazaar magazine made her bottom look too small. A young widow in Sydney has had the ashes of her husband sewn into her breast implants so that he remains close to her heart. A teaching union has demanded that maths tests for new teachers be dropped because they are too confusing and difficult. Two Baptist ministers who held up a Louisiana bank and stole £30,000 found police waiting for them when they returned to church to conduct Evensong. They had used their own car as the getaway vehicle. A statue kept in a Southampton museum basement has been identified as 2,700 years old from Egypt. Staff had been using it as a cycle rack. A Zambian whose wife served him a cup of tea with a frog in was granted a divorce. A soldier thrown out of a Greek bar for bing drunk returned later in a tank and drove straight into the vehicle. A woman continually frustrated by being unable to park her Mercedes in Birstall, Leics, bought a derelict supermarket for £202,000 and gave it to the council to provide a 70-space free car park. Undertakers in Missouri returned a corpse to the dead man's home after it claimed a £800 funeral bin had not been paid. The man, wrapped in a blue bag, was left on the porch. Eskimos in Nunavut, Canada, are to melt icebergs and bottle the water for export to Japan. It is to be marketed as "pure Arctic drinking water." A woman who owned a shortsighted racing greyhound that kept coming second because it needed another dog to follow, had it fitted with contact lenses. The dog is now winning. Jedi, the fictional faith in the film, Star Wars, is to be given official status in the next census because so many people listed it as a religion in the last one. Executives of the Burger King restaurant chain, famed for its flame-grilled meals, had to be treated for burns in Key Largo, Florida, after walking over hot coals in a team-building exercise. Police in British Columbia had to set up a road block to stop a car speeding at 150 mph without lights at night. They found the Ferrari driver wearing night-vision goggles. A Croatian parliamentary session was halted after an MP told a female colleague: "God created you for mattresses and not as wise men." A baker who received a bravery award after tackling three burglars at the Canterbury supermarket where he worked was docked two weeks wages for taking time off to recover from his injuries. A man of 73 who took 11 years and eight attempts to pass his driving test, was banned five weeks later for drink driving. A Half Chinese man working for the Birmingham council's Partnership Against Racial Harassment was awarded £116,000 for discrimination against him by senior staff. Inverness airport had to shut for a day when an air traffic controller called in sick. The makers of Viagra have won the Queen's Award for Enterprise. A Monopoly player escaped 'going straight to jail' and was given a suspended sentence for punching his 13-year-old stepson who had won the game. Police in Lincolnshire accidentally crashed into an empty parked car. When the owner went to look at the damage, she was arrested for drink-driving. A gardener, aged 70, who was puzzled by the lack of tomatoes on her plant, took it to a recording of the BBC's Gardeners' Question Time. The panel told her it was a cannabis plant. A worker at Monkey World, in Dorset, admitted stealing £47,000 from the entrance tills. She spent it on Cliff Richard souvenirs and going to his concerts. The Democratic Republic of the Congo has discovered that 21,652 civil servants on its payroll do not exist.
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